16th Rant: I'm found lost.

I found it.
Long ago I found out that a certain best friend of mine had a blog.
I asked what's the name of the blog so that I could follow, but she refused.
I insisted.
She refused.
I insisted.
She's reluctant.
Aren't we best friends? I don't normally insist this much, but because we are best friends and I really want to see your skills. I want to see it so bad.
I could feel her extreme reluctance as she uttered the name of the blog.
A couple of days later, the blog was abandoned. No further update, no published contents.
Deleted.
All that was left behind was an empty shell of a once lively blog. I could imagine how much fun she had when the blog was still alive.
She said she was busy during that time so she could not update the blog regularly, but then why did she deleted all existed contents?
Did I ruined the fun?
Did I step into her personal area?
I was the reason, was I not?

I found it.
Minutes ago I found out that a certain best friend of mine had another blog.
It's a blog full of interesting writings by her. I could not believe my eyes as I read them.
I never knew she had such talent and skills to write this well.
I could even say mine's an unworthy particle of dust, and hers a star hidden in the night.
She had it.
She secretly had it all along.
The blog is her comfort zone.
It is where she can be herself, without worries that someone might see.
And I must not enter.
It doesn't matter if we're best friends; everyone has personal matters.
But why am I hurt?
Why do I feel pain?

Come and think of it, I've never been there.
Everyone his, or her, group of best friends.
The stayed together, had fun together, talked with each other since day one up until now.
I had none.
I did not have any groups. All I had was temporary groups for work purposes.
I had never been there.
What if my best friends were nothing more than a mere illusion set by me to trap myself in?
We were good friends, but never best friends.
I was a good friend, but never a best friend.
Was I even a good friend?
Am I left out all along?
I wasn't there, ain't there, and probably won't ever be there.

Sometimes I'm scared of myself. I looked so happy, but why am I writing such bitterness?
I look so happy when I'm with friends, yet when I confront my own self, I'm bitter.

I

What is it that is behind "I"?

Who am I?

15th ....I'm too shy.

...Hey.

    On Thursday I...k- kind of....confess...l- love... to someone....
But I was too shy to say it out loud.
So I wrote in the friendship book that that person gave to me to write a while ago.
But even so, I was still too shy to write it bluntly. I hid the messages in the text in the form of vertical sentences.

Like how, you ask?
I think you should try reading only the front letter of these red sentences.
Know now?
Ending of the first word is this sentence
This is the beginning of the second word
Honestly, why am I even doing this?
Is it that I just want that person to somehow come across this post and figure it out?
Seriously....

    ....To "that person". If you really come across this post try checking your friendship book page that I wrote for you vertically. You are a smart person, you should figure it out as soon as you notice it. I'm way too shy to speak out loud, I'm sorry. But I thought we've only got about 3 weeks left before we graduate, so...

    I often said that my type is a smart and nice person. The truth is there are so many people like that around me, but you are special. I felt nothing toward them all. That was until I got to get closer to you. I...I think....perhaps what between us is not just "best friends"...That's what I feel, at least...

    I have seen many couples around me. One side began by taking care of another for a while before they became a couple. But I don't have enough courage to do so. I don't know if you notice, but I've been unable to look into your eyes. I think I even tried to stay away and ignore you. That's not because I hate you. In fact, it's the complete opposite. I was just way too shy... and all of them will end now. We've got only 3 weeks left, so I started to get rid of that shyness and spend as much time with you as possible.

   To be honest, I'm not even sure if this is love. I have never experienced this type of love before, so I don't know how it feels to love someone like this. But I don't want to let go of this chance. I don't want to let go of you. At least, before we graduate.... I've got to tell you.

I love you.

Quick Update

Hi.

Just a quick update here. I'm still alive, but super, super, super, and super busy. I just want you to know that I'm not abandoning this blog, alright?

Also, my drawing diary failed. Fortunately, I've got a new hobby. Recently, I find myself enjoying doing SAT tests as my hobby. Quite a good solution if you think about it.

That's all I guess. See you guys later. Probably when my university rush ends. Back to work.

14th Rant: 1st Day of the 18th Year

Hi all. It's been a big while.

Actually I'm not really that free to write stuff here, but this entry is special.

And now, may I proudly announce...

.....my 18th birthday!

Yayyyyyyy.

Wow. To think that I've been born on this earth for 18 whole years. That's almost 2 decades. I was like an innocent random child yesterday, but then in the blink of an eye, I'm here. A 12th grade student trying to get to the university. Time skyrockets.

And because I like to think of a lot of things, once again I think I should do something as a celebration. Something beneficial, something worthwhile, something I've never been able to accomplish...

Apparently I thought of writing diaries, but then I realized I have this blog which serves like a sort of diary...

I KNOW!

I won't write a diary, but I'll illustrate a diary!

You probably didn't know, but I really love drawing. However I cannot draw by orders though. If you order me to draw a house, the end result would probably be a nothing-unique low quality house. But if you say "Draw anything you want." without any restrictions at all, the product might be quite interesting. At least that's what I believe.

Anyways, I'll begin it RIGHT NOW. When I finish drawing I'll show it here too! If I don't forget, of course.

That's all for today. I really have a lot to share with you, but I haven't got enough time and silence to do so. Sorry about that.

And thank you very much for reading! Happy Birthday to me, and to anyone who has his/her birthday on June 17!

13th Rant: A tiny lot of stuff

Hi there. Long time no see. Like, really long.

This post serves as a proof that I'm still here. This blog is not abandoned.

However, since I don't think I have any topic to write about, I guess I'll write about random stuff around here.

.......................................

First of all, #Hoennconfrimed

For those who's thinking "What the heck is Hoenn?", don't worry. I know that feeling. I always feel like that when people make jokes related to Game of Thrones.

Hoenn is a region from the third generation games of the Pokemon franchise. Yes. Pokemon. I'm a fan of Pokemons, and is a gigantic fan of the 3rd gen's Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire, and Emerald.

I grew up with it, so you can probably imagine how much I love it.

It was released 11 years ago, so it's pretty old.

There exists the remakes of old Pokemon games. For example, Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen, which are the remakes of the original Pokemon Red and Green: The ones that start it all.

Hoenn fans have been hoping, begging, pleading, and dying for the remakes of the third gen. Light has never shone upon us, however. The news about 3rd gen remakes are as loud as a silent woods. It even created a joke like #Hoennconfirmed, something like #HalfLife3confirmed. Also known as something that probably won't ever happen.

Then there comes an announcement a few weeks ago, saying Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire are to be remade.

#HoennConfirmed indeed. Thank you Game Freak, and thank you Nintendo. You have no clue how happy and @$#&*$@)%&K@& I am.

The game is coming in November. After I finish my university rush, I'll go straight and buy a 3DS, then I'll buy the game for sure.

...................................

May has never been this exciting. Around the same time the Pokemon news was announced, another big news arrived. ZUN, the sole creator of the great Touhou franchise, and the god in disguise, suddenly announced the latest installment: Touhou 14.3: Impossible Spell Card. (It just arrived a few days ago.)

Dear god. Pokemon 3rd gen remake announced AND Touhou 14.3 released? What else is going to happen? A Touhou fanmade Anime that is released roughly every 4 year's gonna mysteriously popped up?

Miracle: "Yes."

Suddenly, without any announcement, A Summer's Day Dream, an unofficial Anime created by the fans of the original Touhou games, had its side episode released. What's amazing is the fact that this fanmade anime is regularly released every 4 years. And each release consisted of only one, 20-ish-minute episode. The first episode was released like 6 years ago. The second was 2 years ago. But then when people estimate the 3rd episode in the next 2 years, there suddenly comes the 2.5th episode. It was a bit short compared to the former two, but wow, what a surprise!

Miraculous Pokemon Remake Announement, Official Touhou's Next Installment Release, and Surprise Touhou Fanmade Anime Release?

What a month.

.......................................................

Let's move on before I turn this entry into a Touhou entry.

In other news, Naruto Shippuden is getting more like a Wizard story when it's actually a Ninja world. Seriously, creating meteorites, sprouting a GIGANTIC tree, extreme element spells, and now casting a worldwide illusion through the Moon? Wut.

I still like it though. Actually there's nothing much in the plot, but somehow I still like it. I don't know why, either.

........................................................

U-Net is on its hiatus. They paused the project since people don't like it, but didn't say that they would cancel the project.

A few days ago they announced their new project: Alumni Test.

You didn't read it wrong, they plan on testing the Alumni, the people that are graduated already.

That's one ridiculous thought. It's probably never gonna happen.

....................................................

After about 7 years of killing things and destroying lives, Adventure Quest World's player's character is about to face the big meanie. The event will probably be big.

....................................................

My Grade 12 time's about to begin, but you won't really notice anything here because I've always been lazy, and rarely update the blog. The blog will still be alive and well. Who knows, I might update it a lot because I've got a lot to share with you regarding school life.

This year (especially May) has been big and busy. Too bad they all happen this year, when I have to concentrate on University. Tsk

Whatever, I'll carry all that with me and finish everything up. Because I can.

.Thanks for reading. See you next time!