16th Rant: I'm found lost.

I found it.
Long ago I found out that a certain best friend of mine had a blog.
I asked what's the name of the blog so that I could follow, but she refused.
I insisted.
She refused.
I insisted.
She's reluctant.
Aren't we best friends? I don't normally insist this much, but because we are best friends and I really want to see your skills. I want to see it so bad.
I could feel her extreme reluctance as she uttered the name of the blog.
A couple of days later, the blog was abandoned. No further update, no published contents.
Deleted.
All that was left behind was an empty shell of a once lively blog. I could imagine how much fun she had when the blog was still alive.
She said she was busy during that time so she could not update the blog regularly, but then why did she deleted all existed contents?
Did I ruined the fun?
Did I step into her personal area?
I was the reason, was I not?

I found it.
Minutes ago I found out that a certain best friend of mine had another blog.
It's a blog full of interesting writings by her. I could not believe my eyes as I read them.
I never knew she had such talent and skills to write this well.
I could even say mine's an unworthy particle of dust, and hers a star hidden in the night.
She had it.
She secretly had it all along.
The blog is her comfort zone.
It is where she can be herself, without worries that someone might see.
And I must not enter.
It doesn't matter if we're best friends; everyone has personal matters.
But why am I hurt?
Why do I feel pain?

Come and think of it, I've never been there.
Everyone his, or her, group of best friends.
The stayed together, had fun together, talked with each other since day one up until now.
I had none.
I did not have any groups. All I had was temporary groups for work purposes.
I had never been there.
What if my best friends were nothing more than a mere illusion set by me to trap myself in?
We were good friends, but never best friends.
I was a good friend, but never a best friend.
Was I even a good friend?
Am I left out all along?
I wasn't there, ain't there, and probably won't ever be there.

Sometimes I'm scared of myself. I looked so happy, but why am I writing such bitterness?
I look so happy when I'm with friends, yet when I confront my own self, I'm bitter.

I

What is it that is behind "I"?

Who am I?

{Urgent!} Final High School Project Help Needed!

Hey guys, how have you been? For me, I'm on the verge of being buried by projects now.

For instance, right now I'm doing a final high school project, in which it is an online questionnaire that requires several responses. So I need your help.

Could you please answer my questionnaires? The link is here: http://goo.gl/forms/iRwodw9hjN

Thank you in advance! This project will determine whether I would graduate from my high school or not, so it is certainly important to me. Your help is wholeheartedly appreciated. Thanks again!

15th ....I'm too shy.

...Hey.

    On Thursday I...k- kind of....confess...l- love... to someone....
But I was too shy to say it out loud.
So I wrote in the friendship book that that person gave to me to write a while ago.
But even so, I was still too shy to write it bluntly. I hid the messages in the text in the form of vertical sentences.

Like how, you ask?
I think you should try reading only the front letter of these red sentences.
Know now?
Ending of the first word is this sentence
This is the beginning of the second word
Honestly, why am I even doing this?
Is it that I just want that person to somehow come across this post and figure it out?
Seriously....

    ....To "that person". If you really come across this post try checking your friendship book page that I wrote for you vertically. You are a smart person, you should figure it out as soon as you notice it. I'm way too shy to speak out loud, I'm sorry. But I thought we've only got about 3 weeks left before we graduate, so...

    I often said that my type is a smart and nice person. The truth is there are so many people like that around me, but you are special. I felt nothing toward them all. That was until I got to get closer to you. I...I think....perhaps what between us is not just "best friends"...That's what I feel, at least...

    I have seen many couples around me. One side began by taking care of another for a while before they became a couple. But I don't have enough courage to do so. I don't know if you notice, but I've been unable to look into your eyes. I think I even tried to stay away and ignore you. That's not because I hate you. In fact, it's the complete opposite. I was just way too shy... and all of them will end now. We've got only 3 weeks left, so I started to get rid of that shyness and spend as much time with you as possible.

   To be honest, I'm not even sure if this is love. I have never experienced this type of love before, so I don't know how it feels to love someone like this. But I don't want to let go of this chance. I don't want to let go of you. At least, before we graduate.... I've got to tell you.

I love you.